Waiting and standing on the promises of God sounds great until waiting becomes months and years filled with rejection and closed doors. Keeping faith seems possible until your faith has been torn down to the bare minimum. Trusting God seems easy until you feel like He knows you, He knows your struggles, and He even sees you, yet, it feels as if He doesn’t care.
I have slowly reached this place over the past year. It wasn’t a single event, but rather, small and big hits towards my person hood, towards my dreams and desires, and towards what I knew God to be. Each hit had an impact, even ones that should not have mattered. Though the blows continue, I’d like to share my testimony.
I’ve been waiting and trusting God on a couple of things: a great job, a
good competitive MCAT score, getting into Medical School, and direction for all areas of my life. I believed that He would answer these prayers but it’s been over a year after graduating and I have yet to receive a steady job with a good environment. I have studied for the MCAT, twice, and have not received a competitive score. I tried to do my best while relying on Him the way I knew how. However, it seemed as if my efforts weren’t enough.
While I’d like to say that I stayed consistent with God and I never grew weary, got discouraged, or lost hope, I’d be lying. I became determined to be okay with my situation that I acted as if everything was okay, but it wasn’t. I tried to prove to myself that I was strong and wouldn’t turn my back on God. But in the end I did! In fact, my heart turned away from God and grew cold. In short I became lukewarm. Gradually desensitized and opened to things I once guarded my heart against.
Now I’m at this broken place. Where God is exposing my insecurities and my rocky foundation in HIM. He has literally shook every area in my life and is redefining me. Pruning me and showing me that He is God and He is good – always. And though tears have been shed I remember my prayers to God. I asked Him how to live in the fullness of Him and He’s teaching me. I’m learning to pray continually making my request known to Him. All my bold prayers, He’s answering. He’s making changes in me in order for my prayers to be seen in my life.
If you are going through a season maybe somewhat similar to this, know that God is breaking you to grow you. Your faith will be tested. Tears shed. But in the end, you’ll have a great testimony!
“Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.”